Symptoms: the inability to prevent my eyes from leaking (i.e. lots and lots of crying), not very much sleep, many headaches, tightness of the chest, mood swings and the big one... HORMONES (well, i'm a woman. We're allowed to blame everything on them!)
Diagnosis: majorly stressed
Remedy: endless Glee episodes, a bag of pick 'n' mix, and/or Ben and Jerry's (the frozen yoghurt one, so it's healthy-ish). Or, more seriously, a really long walk and talk with mum. Well, she did most of the talking, i merely ambled alongside her weeping uncontrollably and making those pathetic noises that everyone does when they're trying to talk whilst crying - so not a pretty sight, let me assure you.
Yep you guessed it, another slightly depressing read of a blog-post.
It's been an emotional last couple of days, despite the scheduled taking of Kalms tablets. It saddened me even more to hear that they can only be taken three times a day. What's more, 'after food'. How silly is that?! It's not like you can choose specific times of day at which to feel most stressed. I've just finished eating so now i can feel stressed again cause i'm allowed to take the tablets. Honestly, i've never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life!
I just wish i knew what was causing it all though. It's like i've taken a step backwards... I'll be okay-ish, and then suddenly i'll start to feel really really panicky, my chest tightens, i struggle with my breathing and then inevitably, the tears start cursing down my cheeks - admit me to a psycho ward now! It's just so weird. Obviously, i don't choose to feel crap, and i certainly don't enjoy it. The random times at which this has all occurred over the last few days remain inexplicable. Absolutely nothing had happened beforehand to cause it. I'd just be sat, or stood, and it would happen. Weird or what?
I just feel like i've regressed to childhood. I'm fine when people are with me, but once i'm alone, i can't bear it. Maybe it's cause i have too much thinking time when i'm on my own. I just feel so silly and pathetic. Almost like a little girl who needs to hold Mummy's hand to keep her safe.
No amount of positive thinking has helped. And believe me, i have tried so hard. It's like i'm stuck in this huge black hole that no-one or nothing can pull me out of. This cannot go on. More than anything, i want to be my old giggly, happy self instead of this stressed-out on occasion, depressive psycho i appear to have turned into. I'm pretty sure everyone is getting fed up of my constant mood swings and this seemingly never-ending feeling of hopelessness and helplessness.
You know it's bad when going out to Tesco's feels like an accomplishment. When getting dressed instead of lounging around in jimjams all day feels like you've made an effort. When getting one decent night's sleep a week feels like heaven.
What on earth am i going to do next week when i have to leave home and get on with the rest of my life. At the moment, i just feel so incapable. It makes no sense. I have so many amazing people, and good things going on in my life. So why do i feel like this??? Suggestions welcomed. xx
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